Ok so I officially suck at blogging. I originally started a blog because I have an internet business and I guess I liked the idea of using it as a promotional tool. You know - buy clothes from me and you too can have an awesome and glamourous life like mine. The problem with that idea is that really my life isn't that awesome. It certainly isn't glamourous and whilst I was tempted to pretend that I wander round my amazing workroom all dolled up, drinking cocktails and making party frocks, that just couldn't be further from the truth, and I hate bull shitters. Usually my workroom looks like something exploded in it, I'm wandering round in my comfy pyjamas and I'm pouring as much diet coke into my face as I can in order to stay awake, while I attempt to finish the ridiculous and unrealistic list of tasks I've set myself and periodically have to phone my best friend Tara for pep talks when I'm convinced that it will all go to hell and I'll have to go and work in a supermarket. Insecure and disorganised describe me far better than glamourous and awesome!!
The other day, however, it occurred to me that probably nobody reads this anyway so surely rather than use it as a promotional tool it would be much more useful to use it as a forum to vent and discuss my own problems with myself. Sure the chances are I'm going to mention on twitter that I blogged but the only time people tend to comment on any of my blogs (or read them for that matter) is if I've promoted their crafts so essentially this is the equivalent of going somewhere where there are no people and screaming as loud as I can. I've always found writing down your frustrations is a good way to relieve the stress of them so that is what I'm going to do. As and when I need to. No pressure now to amuse other people or promote a false image. What a relief.
Today is all about getting my shit together. Christmas is looming and being self employed at this time of year is terrifying. If I'm not worrying about how I will be able to afford the mountain of presents my 8 year wants then I'm stressing about how awful my sales will be in January. Essentially, my life at the minute moves from one money worry to the next. I've needed to visit the dentist for over 3 months and the only pair of jeans I have are a paint covered hand me down pair. It's pretty tragic but there is always a bill to pay, food cupboards to fill, money that needs to be handed in at the school, someones birthday. It's depressing to work a 14 hour day (I frequently do this) and have nothing to show for it personally. I know I'm not the only one in this boat but that isn't that comforting. Also since moving in with my partner, although he puts more money into our joint account in real terms, proportionally I put in pretty much everything I make while he puts in about 70% and has a fair amount of free money each month. That being said the highlight of today will be that he is going to buy us a dryer. Woooooo. This means I can finally wash the piles of clothes I haven't been able to wash for weeks because I can't get them dry. Oh wait, that just means on top of everything else I have to do this weekend I also get to do 15 loads of washing!! Pah, and I said my life wasn't glamourous!
So anyway, where was I? Yeah, that's right. Getting my shit together. I have a whole heap of orders to get out and photos to take and some stuff to list and I need to start making and listing my Christmas stuff because this month I need to basically make two months worth of money. Its 8am and I'm hoping by 12 to have a few parcels out and some necklaces poured and to at least have sat down at the sewing machine and started ploughing into the mountain of work (I kind of have sewers block at the minute). I could go on here for another hour. I could easily moan about customers who drive me nuts with the crummy way some of them speak to me or whine about how my partner never cleans the litter box but instead I'm gonna get off my arse and make things a bit better. I am. I swears. See you soon (or not)
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I really can't even begin to imagine how you do it but I envy you! I'd love to do what I like doing to earn a living but I'm scared: scared that people won't like what I have to offer, or that they like it too much so I end up in your situation. But I envy how you had the strength to try and carry on!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you're honest about how hard you work but it sounds like you need to slow down, or at least get some help paking orders or something! Eg. can't a friend help out every now and again in exchange for a meal and movie at yours?
Seriously tho, thake care of yourself and take it easy sometimes